Everything You Ever Imagined
by solitaireclay07
Summary: She was in our year and nobody had seemed to notice. Except for me. I didn't want to fall for her, but I couldn't help myself. If only she wasn't in love with Sirius. Remus's POV of Nobody Sees Me Wishing.
1. One

I stopped writing suddenly, holding my quill in place as a thought occurred to me.

For the past couple days, I had been trying to figure out what was wrong. It wasn't something simple, like a forgotten essay or a missing quill; it was something more important.

Peter had suggested that I had the flu, but I quickly dismissed that thought. It couldn't be the flu for I didn't feel sick. I had a nagging feeling that something else had changed.

Then, all of the sudden, I realized something was _missing_.

Placing the quill on my parchment, I sat back in my chair and stole a glance at the girls' staircase. Two girls were descending the stairs right now and neither one of them was the girl I wanted to see.

I slowly sat back, gathering my quill and parchment together. Was I just going to go over and say something to her? Did I even want to confront her? Why did I care?

That was easy; I immediately knew the answer. I just didn't understand it. I cared because I had noticed a minuet detail about someone. And not just anyone: a girl.

This posed a small problem, for I didn't have time to worry about girls and I certainly didn't have a chance anyway. Being a werewolf, I couldn't voluntarily put anyone in danger like that.

Yet, I stared at the staircase, waiting.

I sat forward when I caught sight of her at the top of the staircase. She came down earlier than the rest of her roommates, lip between in teeth in determination to get past the common room and to the portrait hole. Her eyes were dead set on her goal, not noticing how I had scrambled out of my seat.

Clearing my throat a couple times, I finally shouted out, "Ivy!"

She didn't stop. She probably didn't even hear me.

"Ivy, I have to talk to you," I said, falling into step behind her and she strode toward the exit.

I didn't expect her to stop. I began planning how I was going to follow her all the way down into the Great Hall without making it seem as though I was a creepy stalker. However, she surprised me by turning around and raising a quizzical eyebrow at me.

Ivy Bennett. We were both Gryffindors in the same year. We both acknowledged each other in class and there were even times when we sat in the same group at meals. Since she was friends with Lily, we often ran into each other at events like the last Hogsmeade trip. We weren't really friends, merely acquaintances, which was the reason I didn't understand my revelation.

I hadn't heard her voice for a whole week. I hadn't heard her speak a single word.

The revelation startled me and made me cringe. It made me sound like the stalker I didn't want to be. It wasn't normal to realize that there was a voice missing.

But she really hadn't spoken in a whole week. And that concerned me; something was wrong.

"Ivy, are you okay?" I asked her, checking her face for signs of flushed cheeks or tired eyes.

Her eyes bore into me and I blinked back at her. It looked as if she was trying to communicate with me without using any words, but I didn't understand what she was trying to say. Then she shrugged and took a step forward to leave.

"No," I stopped her. "Say something."

She blinked and her eyes grew large. I realized with a jolt that she knew. She had figured out that I had noticed her lack of communication.

I watched in apprehension as she cleared her throat and then said, "I'm okay."

By the way her voice was barely audible, I knew she was lying. "What's wrong?" I added, but I was already relieved that she had said something.

There was that familiar voice – the soft, careful voice that had previously been missing.

She looked at me and then began walking toward the portrait again. I quickly followed her, watching her every step. "Nothing, Remus," she said and then, after a short pause, added, "I can handle it."

It just seemed as though something was troubling her and I didn't understand what it could be. She was the quiet, tiny Gryffindor that nobody had a problem with. What problems did she have?

I had to know – it bothered me for some reason.

Even though there was a sickening feeling in my stomach, I ignored it and began to follow Ivy around to see exactly what was bothering her.

I waited for the moment that she would turn around and yell at me for following her around. But she never said anything, even if I had followed her every step for three days.

She knew; I caught her eyes on me more than once. She would always watch me for a few seconds and then, as if she was finally done analyzing me, finally looked back down and continued what she was doing before.

I was sitting in the common room, trying to make sense of it all, when someone interrupted my thoughts.

"Remus, are you staring at Ivy?" I looked up and saw Lily Evans staring down at me curiously.

She sat down in the chair across from me as I asked, "Have you noticed that she's been acting a bit strange lately?"

Lily quickly glanced over at the girl who was sitting on the opposite side of the common room. "I was going to talk to her about that. Mary took her favorite quill."

Only Ivy would be that broken up about her quill. Of course it would be something as trivial as that. I let out a sigh of relief.

"You know what? I'll talk to her about it," I offered.

After all, I was itching to talk to her again. I needed to explain the way I had been acting for the past couple days.

She was sitting by herself in the library the next day. I knew it was the perfect time to talk to her. Nobody else was around and the rest of my friends were busy arguing with themselves.

Glancing over at her, I caught her gaze and she immediately broke it, looking down with flushed cheeks.

I smiled slightly at the way she blushed and made my way over.

She was transfixed on writing as fast as possible. I watched her for a second and then said, "Slughorn's essay?"

She sighed loudly and put down her quill. "Why have you been following me?" Her voice had an edge to it and I was momentarily surprised at how she was able to raise her voice.

"Your roommates have been talking about how you've been distant lately," I said, referring to Lily and then noticed her lack of writing. "And you haven't been writing. You've been lifeless, Ivy."

She frowned at me, the corners of her mouth turned downward in a way that wasn't unattractive at all. "So, you've been following me because-"

"I need to tell you something."

Ivy stared at me, clearly taken aback. But I really needed to tell her this. Hopefully, it would help her.

"What?" she asked.

"Hey, Remus! Hurry up!"

I flinched at James's comment and waved him away. Turning back toward Ivy, I said, "You didn't think anyone would notice, did you?"

"Notice what?" she asked.

I couldn't help but smile at her obliviousness. "I know your secret," I said in a quick whisper.

Her eyes grew large. "I don't know what you mean," she whispered.

I leaned forward and watched as she leaned back, trying to get as far away from me as possible. Maybe she really was afraid because I had followed her around for the past couple days.

"Hey, Moony!" James shouted again. "We're leaving."

Turning around, I responded with, "I'll catch up later." James gave me an interested look before he left. He was probably thinking the worst.

I turned my attention back to Ivy and saw her gaping at me as if I had done something surprising. Without even hesitating, I went back in our previous conversation, not being her obliviousness for a second. "You know what secret."

She shook her head. "Um, I don't know what you're talking about."

Was she really going to flit around this? I sighed and said, "Lily's seen it too, you know. She was going to talk to you, but I volunteered."

Her eyes widened even more and she looked truly frightened. Maybe angry. "You were planning this?"

I really didn't want her to be angry at me. I was trying to help and I hated it when people were angry with me. "Sorry." I said quietly. The look on her face softened and I could breathe again. "Anyway, it has to do with Mary, right?"

She nodded slowly.

"You are mad at Mary..." She was looking down at the table, visibly flinching as though she knew exactly what was coming and was afraid of my reaction. "...for stealing your quill."

I could hear her let out a sharp breath and then she looked up at me."Oh, um, yeah," she said. "She stole my quill and I'm mad."

Good, maybe now she could finally start acting like herself. "Lily was worried when she saw that you weren't talking to Mary or the rest of your roommates. She finally figured it out."

She was biting her lip, as if stopping herself from saying something. "Yeah, I'm over it though."

And then she began laughing. Quiet, breathy little chuckles. Why was she laughing? Was she trying to hide something else? Should I just leave?

"You were following me this entire time because I had my quill stolen?" she finally asked in the middle of her laughter.

Oh, she was making fun of me. I told myself not to be embarrassed but I couldn't help but fumble for an excuse. "Oh, well, I was worried about you..."

"But you don't even know me," she retorted.

I had the urge to laugh now. After following her around for the past couple days, I knew more about her than she could imagine. Instead, I said with a smile, "We Gryffindors have to stick together."

And when she smiled shyly back at me, I knew for a fact that I was blushing madly.

* * *

Props (yes, props) to Nathpollen for editing and being awesome. And Remus . Ivy (I have to put spaces or the username doesn't show up...crazy) for forcing me to write this. Happy birthday to RottenedRipe!

So, here's the beginning of Remus's POV. There's really no "rules" for this story and I'm just going to post whenever. Suddenly I See has the priority. Even if Remus is adorable.

Oh, and the voting for the Quibbler Awards is finally up....if you want to do that.

Thanks for being amazing!


	2. Two

_This chapter includes chapter 27 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

I had never forgotten a full moon in my life. I always counted off the days in my head, on a calendar, always calculating how long I had until the next transformation. It was my obsession and I wasn't able to forget about it.

Until today.

I ignored all the signs (irritability, drowsiness, that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach) and managed to keep my focus on one thing: Ivy's birthday tomorrow.

I had managed to get her the perfect present - parchment, a new quill, and an engraved ink bottle. I couldn't wait to see her face when I would give it to her. The whole scene played out in my head - her eyes would light up and she would do that small smile of hers.

Even the thought made me smile.

I didn't even care that my friends wouldn't stop teasing me about it. They didn't understand; it wasn't because I was trying to impress her. I just wanted Ivy to be happy. What was wrong with that? A lot, according to James and Sirius. They insisted that I was in love with her.

But I couldn't let myself be in love with her. I wouldn't do that to her.

"Moony, are you okay?"

I looked up from my essay and found James, Sirius and Peter standing in front of me, staring at me like I was crazy.

"I'm working on Slughorn's essay," I responded, thinking that they meant my studying. They always thought I worked too much.

"No, we mean..." Sirius began, leaning forward. "Tonight."

I blinked. "Tonight?" I repeated slowly. It was the night before Ivy's birthday and...

Full moon.

I had to choke in a breath as my body refused to let me breathe. How did I forget about the full moon? How did I forget about the worst night of the month?

James noticed my hesitation.

"You don't look okay."

I frowned. "Do I ever?" I didn't mean to snap at him. I wasn't even mad at him; I was mad at myself. I had let myself forget about the full moon. And now I had to look forward to an awful night.

And what about tomorrow?

"Don't worry about it, Moony," Sirius suddenly said. "I'm sure by tomorrow you'll be good as new."

-x-

"Okay, so I was wrong."

I managed to roll my eyes while staring up at the stark white ceiling of the hospital wing. With a sigh, I breathed out a weak, "I'll live."

But I felt like dying. I didn't deserve to live.

James chuckled, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You're being melodramatic." I turned to look at him. He grinned and said, "Oh, I know exactly what you're thinking. _Oh, I just want to die now, someone put me out of my misery because this whole world is so cruel!" _

They couldn't see my half-smile because of the huge bandage covering the left side of my face. Sirius had tried to calm me down last night and the wolf decided that he didn't like that. "I wasn't that dramatic," I defended myself.

They stayed for a few more minutes before I had to convince them to leave for Potions. They wanted to skip, but I insisted that they had to go because if they didn't, I would have to get my homework from someone else. Which, come to think of it, would probably be a better bet.

As they were leaving, I remembered the present that was in my bag that was hanging off of the bed post. With a shuddering sigh, I realized that I was going to miss her birthday.

And I had promised her that I was going to be there. So much for my promises. Once again, the werewolf ruined everything.

I began angrily picking off the lint on the bed sheets. I wasn't even that bad – just sore with a couple bruises and scratches. I could still show up for dinner and give Ivy her present.

Madame Pomfrey frowned deeply as I shuffled in the bed.

No, I wasn't ever getting out of here.

"Moooooooooony!" I must have drifted off to sleep because, in what only seemed a couple minutes later, Sirius had ran into the room and jumped onto my bed. "We brought you something!" He threw down scribbled notes in front of me. "We wrote down all of the assignments from today. Knock yourself out."

Madame Pomfrey came bustling up to my bed and practically pushed Sirius away. "Time to change that bandage."

It was strange – none of my scratches seemed to just heal with magic. There was always an ugly bruise or cut left.

I waited patiently as Madame Pomfrey took her time, thoroughly analyzing the cut before putting on a new bandage. "Just one more night, Mr. Lupin, and then you're free to go."

One more night. One day after Ivy's birthday.

There was the sound of chairs being pulled up next to my bed and then Sirius asked, "You feeling better after the night from hell? Get enough rest?"

I frowned, looking down at the bed. My night from hell had to ruin Ivy's day too.

"Something a matter?" James pried when I didn't answer.

I wasn't going to tell them that I had missed Ivy's birthday. Instead, I reassured them that everything was fine, but then Peter spoke up.

"It was Ivy's birthday today! He bought her a present."

I didn't even know that he knew. I knew that James and Sirius had grins on their faces without even looking up. Bracing myself for the teasing, I looked up.

Sirius was smirking. "You missed your little girlfriend's birthday?"

The tone of his voice made me cringe. "I'm hurt and you're still making fun of me?" I tried to make him feel guilty, though I knew it wouldn't work.

James smiled. "You're avoiding the question."

I found myself too weak to argue. "Okay, so, I bought her something. It doesn't mean anything-"

"You fancy her," Sirius interrupted me. I cringed again. "Remus Lupin and Ivy Bennett – together forever."

"Stop..." I couldn't let that happen. We couldn't be together. Why was he teasing me about this? "You can't make fun of the person who's already lying in bed with half of their face mauled away."

James just rolled his eyes. "Sure we can."

I think Peter wanted to see how far James and Sirius would go with this. That was the only explanation I could gather from what he said next. "He has her present in his bag."

James and Sirius exchanged a quick look before they launched themselves at my bag.

"No, guys, don't!" I tried, knowing that it was useless.

They brought out her presents, staring at them with wide eyes like I bought her a diamond ring or something extravagant. It was only writing supplies.

"Whoa, Moony, you went all out," James exclaimed, completely in awe of just a simple present.

It didn't even matter if they thought I went "all out." A sigh escaped my lips as I said, "What does it matter? I missed her birthday anyway." What if I had hurt her? What if she was mad? My breath stopped in my throat.

A silence fell over the room. I ignored the burning sensation in my throat and began to pick off all the lint on the sheets again.

"Listen," Sirius suddenly said. "Maybe I can...I don't know...go get her or something."

At three in the morning and disrupt her sleep? She'd hate me even more for that. I shook my head, looking up at Sirius. "It's three in the morning, Padfoot. I don't want to just wake her up because-"

He was giving me a strange look, which caused my voice to trail off. "I'm sure she would want to see you," he insisted. "If not, she'll want to after she realizes how much you want to see her."

I didn't know how to respond to that. Would she be angry that I woke her up for this? Or would she be relieved that I didn't forget about her birthday? I stayed silent.

"Just wait here," Sirius exclaimed, and then disappeared with the Invisibility Cloak.

"I'm not going anywhere," I tried to joke.

James gave me a strange look, as if my joke wasn't even worth the effort.

I watched the doors open as Sirius left and wondered if Ivy would actually come back with him.

-x-

"Remus?"

A soft voice interrupted my sleep, jolting me awake even though it was barely spoken. I recognized that voice.

"Ivy." I didn't even have to look to see if it was her. I waited, letting my eyes adjust to the bad lighting and saw that it was her, standing in front of her, nervously wringing her hands.

She stared at me for a few long moments and then said, "I'm sorry."

Sorry for what? Why was she sorry? Sorry that I had gotten hurt? It was _her _birthday – her day. "No, _I'm_ sorry," I said, "I missed your birthday."

She slowly took in a couple breaths, tears forming in her eyes. "It's okay, I mean, you're hurt – you have an excuse -"

How could she be worried about me? I was used to this – it was a monthly occurrence when her birthday was once a year. I chuckled at her selflessness. "You shouldn't be worried about me. It was your birthday - your day. That reminds me. Happy belated birthday."

I looked over at her presents that were now sitting on the table next to me. She took a couple steps forward, staring at the objects in front of her.

I waited with baited breath for her reaction.

What if she hated them?

No, she couldn't hate them. She loved writing – this was the perfect present.

But what if she didn't want a present from _me_? I shuddered at the thought.

She took the items in her hands and stared at them for the longest time. Scenarios played in my mind of her throwing them at the wall, yelling, walking away, frowning, crying in disgust.

"Thank you," she then said, taking my breath away. "It's amazing, Remus."

Without even a warning, she turned and placed all of her weight onto the bed and threw her arms around me, hitting an awful bruise.

"Ow," I groaned.

And then she let go before I could even enjoy her embrace. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking," was her quick excuse.

But I wasn't even thinking about the pain, because Ivy hugged me. She wasn't mad or disappointed. She was grateful.

I smiled at her. "It's okay."

And it was more than okay.

* * *

CHAPTER TWO. Wrote in a computer lab with creepers all around me. Why? My computer is dead.

Suddenly I See will be updated when...I have a computer again? Or maybe I'll try using the home computer. We'll see. Oh, I posted a video about Suddenly I See on my YouTube. There's a link at the top of my profile.

Oh, by the way, I lost the Quibbler Awards. Didn't even get runner-up. Oh well.

Thanks for reading.


	3. Three

_Chapter 30-31 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

When I saw her staring at us, her face deathly white and eyes wide with fear, I knew that I wasn't going to have the strength to tell her my secret.

I thought about it almost every night before falling asleep. I thought about just telling her "I'm a werewolf, but it's going to be okay," but every time I planned out the scenario in my head, Ivy's reaction was always the same.

Screaming and running.

I shuddered, forcing myself to keep my eyes open. It was after midnight, and all I wanted to do was sleep and forget my problems. But, every time I closed my eyes, that look of fear on Ivy's face came to mind.

A look of absolute terror.

Groaning, I rolled over and forced myself to keep my eyes closed. I had to fall asleep sooner or later and if I just kept my eyes closed and didn't think of Ivy screaming or running away from me in fright…

My eyes snapped open.

Was my imagination playing tricks on me now? Sitting up slightly, I strained to hear another sound, waiting with a pounding heart. Maybe it was just because I was thinking about it –

A muffled scream interrupted my thoughts – the same sound I heard earlier. I hesitated for a second, and when the scream continued, I quickly pushed the covers away and quietly made my way over to the door.

There was a silence as I walked down the staircase into the common room. I was sure this is where I heard the sound – it couldn't have just stopped –

As soon as I landed on the bottom step, a short scream startled me. Something was moving violently on the couch, screaming bloody murder as if someone was going to kill them.

My heart thudding madly, I took a few steps closer to see that it was a girl – and not just any girl. Without even thinking, I had crossed the empty space between us and kneeled down in front of her. She was crying and screaming and thrashing about and I didn't know what to do.

"Ivy!" I didn't know if I could touch her without her lashing out on me. "Wake up, it's okay!" I watched her helplessly for a second, wanting to stop her from screaming and crying. Bracing myself for the impact, I leaned forward and grabbed her arms, holding them back from attacking me. "Shh, it's okay," I said softly, hearing her screams slowly die down to whimpers.

She immediately latched onto me, grabbing me into a tight hug as she buried her face into my shirt. She was shaking her head, clutching desperately onto me. My breath caught in my throat. "They're going to kill me," she kept muttering over and over.

What could possibly want to kill her? "What's going to kill you?" I tried to ask.

But I didn't get an answer. Instead, Ivy continued shaking her head, sobbing uncontrollably.

I was lost. I couldn't help her. I couldn't do anything for her.

"I need...leave..." Ivy choked out, her voice muffled by the fabric.

But she didn't move. She just wrapped her arms tighter around me, as if she expected me to do something. I couldn't take her to the dormitories; I didn't know the spell that James and Sirius created to get past the charm. And I couldn't just leave her here when she was begging to leave.

Sighing to myself, I moved my arms underneath her and lifted her off of the couch. She was surprisingly light, considering I didn't do much heavy lifting.

My breath caught when she wrapped her arms around my neck and hid back into my shirt. Ignoring the fact that I had Ivy Bennett in my arms and I was taking her up to the guys' dormitory, I slowly began making my way up the staircase.

She never moved from her spot. It unnerved me that she trusted me with every step. She blindly trusted me with wherever I was taking her; no questions asked.

Kicking open the dormitory door, I slowly walked inside, and after making sure that the others were still asleep, made my way over to my bed and placed Ivy down.

She stirred and I panicked. What if she hated me for bringing her up here? What if she thought I was implying something else?

I turned away to take in a deep breath.

Well, after all of that screaming, she would want something to drink. I conjured up a glass of water and, after taking in another slow breath, moved the hangings to see Ivy staring back at me.

She didn't look mad though.

Instead, she just stared at me, her eyes never wavering from mine. "Drink this," I whispered, handing her the glass. She took it carefully, still staring at me when she took a sip.

She didn't flinch away from me and I hesitated for a second, wondering if she would let me sit down next to her – she was on a bed after all. And it was my bed.

Ivy Bennett was on my bed.

Maybe I should just leave her alone…

But she didn't seem afraid or disgusted by the fact I brought her here. And I wasn't going to do anything with her.

Slowly, I climbed in next to her, closing the hangings behind me. I didn't want any of my roommates to wake up and see her here. They would never end the teasing.

"Are you okay?" I asked her softly as I watched her intently, searching for any signs that she wanted me to leave.

She began shaking her head again, slowly, as if she wasn't sure herself.

I paused, watching as she took slow breaths, nervously biting her lip. I didn't want to pry, but I found myself asking a question before I could stop myself. "What happened?"

She coughed, looking down at the bed covers. "I...had a bad dream."

"What else?" I winced as I continued to pry. This was probably the last thing she wanted.

"What happened last week?"

And now, she was the one doing the prying. I had no clue what she already knew. But I couldn't tell her what I was. She would run away and never talk to me again. That was the last thing I wanted. "I..." I couldn't ever tell her, not if I wanted her trust. "It's complicated..."

She breathed in sharply and said, "The Dark Arts?"

My eyes widened as I turned my head to look at her. She thought that I was dabbling in the Dark Arts – something inherently evil. I didn't want her to think I was evil – it wasn't my fault that I was a werewolf. I _wasn't_ evil. "No, it's nothing like that. Is that what you were thinking?"

She didn't answer, embarrassed at her guess. I smiled to reassure her and said, "It's nothing to worry over. Don't you ever worry about me."

She just smiled back at me and snuggled up into my covers.

I watched her for a second, wondering if I should go back down to the common room and sleep on the couch. But, I couldn't just leave her in the dormitory alone.

She didn't protest as I quietly shifted, moving to the opposite side of the bed. As long as I didn't touch her, I could do this.

But all I could hear was her soft breathing and I knew she was right there – next to me. I couldn't even close my eyes; I'm sure I didn't get any sleep that night.

-x-

I stirred, my eyes immediately opening. I couldn't tell whether I actually fell asleep or I was just resting, but when I checked the time, I saw that it was already seven.

Seven – I made it through the night.

Turning slightly, I felt the presence of someone next to me, only a touch away. I focused my eyes, straining to see her in the darkness, and saw her figure curled up next to me, sleeping soundly.

I breathed in slowly, ignoring the way my heart started pounding and inched away to get out of the bed.

The others wouldn't be up for awhile. I still had time to get ready and get Ivy back to her dormitory before anything happened.

It took me only half the time to get ready. My mind kept wandering back to the sleeping girl in my bed and I wanted to go and comfort her before anyone else realized she was there.

In the middle of putting on my tie, I opened the door into the dormitory, too anxious to see Ivy to even wait.

My breath stopped when I saw James and Sirius surrounding her, practically hovering over the bed with grins on their faces.

This couldn't end well.

Instead of subjecting myself to their teasing, I quickly rushed over to Ivy and pulled her out of my bed, hurrying out of the dormitory and down the staircase.

"I am _so_ sorry," I immediately started apologizing. She could have thought that I planned it – I didn't want her to think that I was just trying to get her into my bed. She didn't deserve that kind of teasing. "I didn't think they'd get up that early."

"It's okay," she said without pause. I could have sighed in relief, but we just fell into an awkward silence. What was I supposed to say after a situation like that?

"Thanks for everything Remus," Ivy broke the silence.

I smiled at her soft words. "You're welcome."

She pointed toward the girls' staircase and said, "I'm gonna go get dressed now."

Nodding, I watched as she made her way up to her dormitory. I eyed my own dormitory, hesitating about going back up there. Deciding against it, I headed down to the Great Hall to escape the teasing (at least for now).

I couldn't believe it. Ivy Bennett had voluntarily spent the night with me. No disgust or hesitation at all. I couldn't help but think that she might – no, it was impossible.

She couldn't fancy me – she was too good for me.

My roommates came down to breakfast in record time, almost skipping into the Great Hall when they caught sight of me. I immediately looked down at my piece of toast and hoped that they wouldn't say anything.

But, really, who was I kidding?

"Mooooooonnnnyyyyyyy..." I heard Sirius whine from a couple meters away. I didn't dare look up. "Remmmmyyyy..." He kept trying as he sat next to me, practically bouncing up and down in his seat.

"Hello," I mumbled quietly, bracing myself for the onslaught of questions to come.

"How was your night?"

The innuendo in that sentence almost made me flinch. Instead, I rolled my eyes and said, "For your information, we didn't do anything. We slept in the same bed, but that's all we did. Sleep. You know, where you close your eyes and rest?"

Looking up, I saw James sit down across from us. "Denial," he exclaimed.

I held back a frustrated sigh. There was no way there were going to believe that I had a girl in my bed just because she was having nightmares. "No, I'm telling the truth. We never touched each other."

"What are you talking about?" I heard Peter ask.

I wasn't about to explain. Though Sirius was. "Moony here had a wild night with none other than Ivy Bennett."

I flinched again and then caught sight of her sitting down away from us. She probably didn't want to be teased all the way through breakfast. I couldn't blame her. I sighed when James and Sirius started grinning in her direction.

Looking away, I saw Peter watching me with wide eyes. "You...did...stuff with her?"

It was lucky for them that I had lots of patience. "No," I insisted. "I didn't-"

"It's okay if you did-" James tried to reassure me about something that didn't even happen.

I sighed again, though it came out as almost a growl. "Guys, nothing happened!"

The image of killing Sirius came to mind when he started chuckling. "Ah, Moony. Don't be shy. Just fess up already."

I had to look down at the table and start to massage my temples to make the image of killing everyone not a reality. "We. Did. Not. Do. Anything."

Why couldn't they believe that?

* * *

As you can probably tell, there won't be a chapter for every situation from Nobody Sees Me Wishing. Just certain instances, like this one. Don't worry – it'll be impossible to get lost. You'll know.

And I hope you're enjoying this story. I like writing it – it's a nice change. I'll try to update more often.

Thanks to Nathpollen for editing this chapter. You're awesome.

And everyone reading is also awesome. Thanks.


	4. Four

_Chapter 32-35 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

I didn't plan it.

And it wasn't as if I was even _thinking _about it.

It just happened. She was sitting right there – right across from me, leaning forward ever so slightly, and her words -

Her words.

They were perfect, just a bit hesitant and confused but I thought it knew what she was saying. And for one _stupid _split second, I thought I had a chance.

So, I leaned forward and, not even bothering to think about her reaction, I did the stupidest thing I could have even done.

I _kissed _her.

Or tried to. I barely got to feel her lips on mine (soft and perfect and _I'm going to kill myself_) before she pushed herself away and fell backward because of Madame Pince's shouting.

It just kept replaying and replaying.

The way she was staring at me, her eyes hesitant and barely able to keep contact with mine. The way her eyelashes kept fluttering as she looked down at the table and her shaking hands. The way her hair fell over her shoulders as she tried to hide behind it. And her lip between her teeth.

That's what it was.

It was that one moment when she bit down on her lip and I noticed. And then I could even stop thinking about her lips and then I just wanted to kiss her.

And she was looking at me with locked eyes, never wavering, so I thought it was okay. She didn't pull back at first. She just stared at me, and I _swear _she parted her lips and I _swear _she was giving me permission. I got to feel her for that wonderful second, and it was so perfect and I thought that everything would end with sunshine and rainbows (for that split second).

But then Madame Pince had to shout at us, and she had to pull away and then there was that look of fear on her face.

Fear.

I kissed her and she was _afraid_. She had to scramble away as fast as she could to get away from me because I had decided to ruin everything.

And I was never going to get her back.

God, I was an _idiot._

_-_x_-  
_

It took me an hour, sitting outside the closed library to finally get the strength to make it back up to the common room. I didn't want to go up all those steps and staircases. I wanted to apparate straight to my bed.

Slowly, I pushed myself up the wall and slowly made my way up the nearest staircase. As I continued walking, I let the previous situation replay over and over again. And, as it continued, I got more and more frantic.

I had ruined everything.

She was gone.

I wasn't even going to be able to be her friend.

By the time I entered the common room, my heart was beating loudly and erratically and I couldn't even breathe. I expected her to be right in front of me, ready to yell and scream at me for being such a stupid boy to take advantage of her.

But instead, I saw James, Sirius and Peter watching me.

With a sigh, I made my way over and stopped in front of them. What was I supposed to say to them? Was I just supposed to tell them what happened or - ?

"Spit it out, Moony," Sirius exclaimed, looking too amused at my ordeal.

Amused by my _pain. _I blinked and then sighed loudly as I turned away, wanting to get away from everyone. As I disappeared up the staircase, I could hear their loud footsteps behind me.

But I didn't even want to deal anymore.

How could I -

She was -

I didn't even _know - _

"Mooooooooonyyyyy," I heard James behind me.

"I can't believe – she must hate me -" I said out loud.

"What are you talking about?" James kept prying.

I had to tell them sooner or later. They would find out. But did I want to be teased now or later? I didn't even know. Grimacing, I finally replied, "I...did something...awful."

"Your definition of awful is extremely different than ours," Sirius began to say, like he knew everything that was happening to me.

He didn't know a thing.

He didn't know what I did.

He didn't know how I ruined _everything_.

"I kissed her, okay!"

I shut my eyes, not even wanting to see their reaction. I could hear the scrambling, the shocked gasps, but I didn't want to see it.

"I know..." I began to explain. "I just...kissed her and Madame Pince interrupted us and then Ivy started crying and ran away-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa..." James shouted, interrupting me. "She cried because you kissed her?"

Oh god, it was even worse the second time around. I groaned loudly and looked to my left, seeing the nearest hard object. A bed post. Maybe if I just hit my head enough time, this would all go away.

No, it didn't work.

"You must be an awful kisser, Moony," James exclaimed suddenly.

"And she ran away? How do you manage that?" Sirius added, laughing at my demise.

Even Peter said, "Really? She really ran away from you?"

I was the worst person ever. _Ever_. Looking up, I exclaimed, "I hate myself."

"Aw, Moony, don't say that..." James immediately tried to console me (it wasn't going to work). "It's not as if you forced yourself on her."

Pillows – they could suffocate! I grabbed my pillow and placed it over my face, but I could still breathe. "I thought she fancied me. I thought she wanted me to..." I was out of words. Leaving the pillow on my head, I took in a deep breath.

"Girls are a tricky sort," Sirius said. "And Ivy, well, she's...quite different."

Yeah, right, like _he _cared about her. He hated her. He thought she was annoying. And she had done nothing to deserve that. "How do you know about her? You hate her," I told him, refusing to move the pillow.

"I don't hate her," Sirius tried to explain. "She's just...different."

And I couldn't even move.

I didn't care anymore.

I had lost everything. Nothing mattered. No more.

-x-

"Ivy!"

The next day, when I saw her coming down the staircase, I couldn't help but shout her name in hope that she would stop and try to talk to me.

But she kept walking, staring ahead without even a glance at me.

Turning around in front of her, I stopped her escape out of the common room. "I am so sorry." I had stayed awake all last night, trying to think of elaborate things to tell her and instead, I had started babbling apologies.

I was pathetic.

But I needed her back. I was stupid for a moment; she had to see that.

Instead, she just stared at me for a long second and then stepped around me, continuing out of the portrait hole.

Choking in a breath, I watched her go. What could I say? Nothing.

It didn't stop me from trying.

"Ivy..." This time it was on the way to Transfiguation in the corridors. I gave myself all of breakfast trying to think of what to say. When I had come with nothing, I decided to just tell her the truth. Maybe she would understand. Maybe she would forget what had happened.

She barely glanced at me.

"I thought-" I immediately started rambling. "I thought you were-" But she was walking away too quickly for me to see her expression anymore. "Would you please stop for a second so I can talk to you?"

With a loud sigh, she finally turned to look at me. There was an exasperation in her eyes that made me cringe. "I have to get to class, Remus."

And then she was gone again.

-x-

Class – there was no class.

At least, I don't remember any of it. I remember sitting there, hearing a faded voice lecture in the background. And I remember staring at McGonagall. But nothing was making sense.

She was _never _going to talk to me again. How was she ever going to trust me again? I had done _nothing _to earn her trust. There was nothing I could do-

Slowly sitting back in my chair, I let out a slow breath. I could tell her. She would trust me – she would know my deepest secret. She was smart too; she would never take it in the wrong way. She would be like James and Sirius and Peter.

I could trust her and all I needed was for her to trust me.

I planned it out – on parchment and in elaborate steps, figuring out exactly what I was going to say. I would invite her to a remote place in the castle – the Astronomy Tower sounded like a good place. I would go into it slowly, reassuring her that there was nothing to be worried about. She would be shocked at first, but she would accept me.

And we could be friends again.

The next time I saw her, she was walking briskly down the corridor, staring straight ahead so she wouldn't be interrupted.

I started quickly sprinting over to her. "I...vy..."

Surprisingly, she wheeled around to face me without hesitation. "Yes?"

I winced at the anger in her voice. "Can you just hear me out? Please?"

"Fine," she agreed.

A 'fine.' She was finally going to listen to me. I let out a sigh of relief and said, "Yesterday, I thought you were going to tell me you fancied me."

By the shocked look on her face, I knew that's not what she expected. "What?"

"And I was wrong," I quickly went on to explain. "I know that now. I thought you wanted me to kiss you. I didn't know that...well, that wasn't what you wanted. I'm sorry. It never happened. I take it back."

"You want to be friends?" Ivy asked slowly, as if she was unsure of what I was saying.

If that's all I could be, that's what I wanted. "Yes," I answered. "I want to be your friend, Ivy. If you want me to be your friend, then that's what I want too."

She stared at me for the longest time and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Was this a yes? Was she thinking about saying no? I still needed to gain her trust.

"You don't have to say anything here," I added. "Can you meet me at the Astronomy Tower at eight? I have something else to tell you."

And when she continued staring at me, I just nodded. It was good enough for me.

-x-

"I want to tell Ivy my secret."

They didn't take it as well as I hoped. Their mouths dropped open and I could practically hear their thoughts. I didn't comment on it though and instead, hoped they would have reassuring words.

"What secret?" Sirius asked slowly.

What other secret did I have? I didn't have time to answer before Peter said, "Remus, are you sure?"

Of course I was sure. I had no other choice. And I trusted her. "I have to tell her."

"No, you don't," Sirius immediately said.

But he didn't even care about Ivy. He wouldn't care if I got her back or not. He didn't care about her the way I did. "Why do you even care?"

"Because I can," he answered shortly.

I sighed. "I know you're trying to help, but I want to tell her. And it's my decision. I told you three and nothing disastrous came from that."

Sirius opened his mouth to say something in response but I didn't want to hear it. Instead, I made my way out of the door and down the staircase. Ivy was waiting anyway.

Why didn't they understand? No one understood – it wasn't their secret to tell. I could tell anyone I wanted.

I took the steps two at a time, trying to get my mind off of the disagreement. Out of breath, I rounded the corner into the tower.

Ivy turned around to face me and asked, "What happened?"

And I couldn't even forget. She had to remind me. I groaned and said, "I was just in a disagreement. That's all."

I should have known she'd want to know more. "With who?"

I tried to murmur his name, but she only gave me a confused look. Sighing, I said louder, "Sirius."

"What? Why?"

I wanted to tell her to drop the subject, but it was Ivy and she would know sooner or later. I hesitated, wondering how to tell her. "He didn't want me to tell you my secret."

She blinked, staring at me for the longest while. I let out a nervous breath, watching her. "And you wanted to tell me anyway?" she finally questioned.

I could do this. All I had to do was tell her about being a werewolf.

Easy.

I let out a shuddering breath at the thought. "He was worried that it would be too dangerous."

Her eyes widened and I could tell what she was thinking immediately. "There's no Dark Arts involved," I added, thinking about to how many times I thought about telling her everything about me. "I've been wanting to tell you for awhile. Ever since your birthday. I don't know..." I paused, watching the sky for the moonlight. It was a half-moon; nothing to be worried over. "Maybe I shouldn't even be telling you this. But I want you to know. I don't want to hide anything from you. You're smart – you'd probably find out sooner or later, and I want you to hear it from me."

Glancing at her, I saw her nod, probably trying to reassure me. But my heart was already beating frantically. It felt like I was going to have a heart attack.

I took in a deep breath and, catching her eyes, slowly exclaimed, "Please, don't be frightened."

And she just stared back, waiting.

How hard was it to say the words?

I gulped, trying to force them out. They were on the tip of my tongue. I could say them. I just needed to calm my racing heart.

Just say it.

"I'm a werewolf."

My eyes widened in realization that I had _actually _said it.

I looked at Ivy to see her blink. "What?"

And again. "I am a werewolf," I repeated, carefully watching her for a reaction. Was she going to scream? Hug me? I had no clue.

She stared at me, her face almost blank. But she was wincing and I didn't know why. I could see her taking in shuddering breaths.

Oh god.

"I..." she swallowed, her voice wavering dangerously. "I can't."

And with those two words, the previous kiss was erased from my mind. Because this was so much worse.

* * *

Sorry if you were confused at the beginning. It was the style I wanted to take.

And yeah, so Remus and his thoughts about the kiss. Quite interesting.

And this chapter was heavily influenced by the song Teenage Werewolf by The Remus Lupins. Search for it on YouTube.

Props to Nathpollen because she's awesome. I can't believe I just said props. Annnd...that's all I have to say.

Yay summer!


	5. Five

_Chapters 36-40 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

* * *

I should've never told her my secret. I should've just kept quiet about it and, if the timing was right later, told her then. We had just reconciled over the stupid kiss (everything was my fault; why was I insistent on ruining _everything_?) and then I decided to make it even worse by telling her that I was a werewolf.

Trust was important in a relationship, but we didn't even have a relationship any more – not even a platonic one. I had to scare her away. I should've listened to Sirius. Even though he was usually wrong about most things, I should've known that he was only trying to protect me, but I didn't even _try_ to listen to him.

And now here I was – fighting off rumors about the trip to the Astronomy Tower and trying to ignore everything and everyone around me. I didn't have to ignore _her –_ she had disappeared along with the truth. It was all my fault.

To make everything worse, it was a full moon tonight. I already felt sick weeks ago – I didn't need this to ruin my day. It was already ruined the moment before I had opened my eyes this morning. I didn't want to go through this now – not when I knew this was thing that has caused Ivy Bennett to stop talking to me.

"Moony, are you okay?"

Before I could stop myself, I was glaring in Peter's direction and biting my tongue from responding sarcastically. Instead, I shrugged, turning back toward the dormitory door. Sirius was supposed to be here five minutes ago – he couldn't – no, _I _couldn't afford to be late.

James opened the door to take a quick look outside and then shook his head at me.

Late. Why did he have to be late today? He knew what today was. He knew that I needed to be in the Shrieking Shack in less than an hour. Instead, he was probably snogging some poor girl to death on the couch in the common room, losing track of the time while he tried to suffocate her.

Impatiently, I rapped my fingers against the bedpost. I had no patience on days of the full moon. No patience or control or _anything_. And that's why Ivy hated me.

"Sorry, I'm late!" My head snapped up to see Sirius rushing through the door. I frowned at him, biting back another retort. Sirius eyed me, watching my reaction. He probably knew I was frustrated with him, but it didn't matter because he couldn't do anything about it.

He looked over at me. "Moony! How are you feeling?"

I ignored the way he clapped me on the back and responded with a short, "Same as always. Terrible."

"Cheer up," Sirius exclaimed with a cheesy grin as if _that _was going to make everything all better. "Tomorrow will be the day after the full moon and you won't have to worry about it for a whole 'nother month."

I shook my head at him, trying to talk myself out of snapping back at him with a sarcastic remark. I was only able to take one step to the door when there was a frantic knock.

We froze – glancing back and forth at each other nervously. No one came up here – what if they knew something? What if it was a professor that found out about the Animagi transformations?

I couldn't deal with this now.

"I need to talk to Remus!"

My eyes widened as I recognized the voice. It was _her_. She wanted to talk to _me_ – she was asking for _me._ Struggling to take a full breath, I turned around to the rest of the group. No, not right now, I couldn't deal with this now.

"I don't want to talk to her," I whispered in a low growl.

"Oh, come on, Moony," Sirius said. "You have a couple minutes."

What was he trying to _do_?

"No, we don't," James started whispered with an exasperated look. "We have no time to spare."

"But what if she wants to apologize?" Peter joined in.

What if she did? If she wanted to see me, I wasn't going to lose the chance. I wasn't going to let my Lycanthropy tell me what I could and what I could not do.

Sirius turned suddenly and opened the door a crack. "Ivy, now is _not_ a good time."

I struggled to catch a glimpse of her over Sirius's massive head. Suddenly, her eyes connected with me and I waited with a baited breath to see what she would do. Did she realize what tonight was? Was she going to run away?

The way she was looking at me – I knew she had to have figured it out. She was smart; she could sense the urgency.

I winced, expecting the worst. "I don't care," was the words I heard instead.

My mouth dropped open in surprise and I could barely think straight. She didn't care – did she understand what she was saying? "What did you say?" I asked, making my way across the room quickly.

"Really, Remus, we've got to go," James decided to _rudely _interrupt and I shot him a glare, not even bothering to stop myself this time. Ivy was talking to me again – maybe even _accepting _me – and he didn't need to ruin it. Nothing did.

"I _said_," Ivy explained, "-that I don't care that it's the full moon."

"Um, guys, we only have a few minutes," Sirius tried to say, but I didn't even bother to acknowledge him.

"You're not-" I started to say and trailed off when Ivy began to shake her head.

"I've been stupid," she exclaimed, her eyes never wavering from mine. "I'm not afraid of you. It's not your fault. You're still Remus."

I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, take her in my arms and just hold onto her forever because she was finally _okay _with everything, but I knew I had to wait. I had questions that needed to be answered and couldn't care less about the time countdown the rest were giving us.

"Why were you so afraid in the first place?" I asked, ignoring the way that my mind was telling me to "_get out of there – warning, warning, transformation is going to take place; you're going to become a monster in less than a hour."_

She took her time to answer and then replied, "That night in the common room – the dream, remember? These black four-legged animals with yellow eyes were going to kill me."

_That_ nightmare. She was so afraid then – I never thought she was afraid of _me_. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "You never told me that."

An annoying hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality. "Remus, you don't want to transform in the school, do you?" I could hear James ask.

I took a deep breath and looked over at him, trying to speak rationally. "I just need two minutes."

"We don't have two minutes," Sirius added and I honestly wanted to strangle him. "Ivy, you need to leave."

"What about you three?" she asked suddenly.

What were we supposed to say? I anxiously flexed my fingers a couple times and then James finally said, "We will tell you later, Ivy, promise. We just don't have the time right now."

She looked at me quickly and then stepped to the side with a small smile. James and Peter immediately rushed through the door without a word.

Sirius laughed, grabbing me by the arm to push me outside. "We appreciate you finally talking to Remus but you have the worst timing."

The corners of her mouth twitched upward and she looked almost embarrassed. I wanted to tell her so much more, but Sirius was tugging on my sleeve, practically _this close _to ripping the fabric. However, I still managed to wrench myself away and turn to her.

After trying to find the right words to say, I finally settled upon, "You're amazing, Ivy Bennett." I didn't even get a chance to see her expression before Sirius had pulled me out of the door. But it didn't matter: Ivy _accepted _me. She didn't care that I was a werewolf. I wasn't a monster to her.

I was Remus.

And that was all I wanted.

-x-

"You are _smitten _with her."

I groaned, turning the opposite way of the voice.

"You _fancy_ her to _death_."

Didn't they know not to provoke a werewolf the morning after the full moon? With all of my cuts and bruises and -

I moved again, surprised I felt no pain.

Opening my eyes, I pulled the covers off and saw _no bandages_. Nothing – no bruises or cuts or bite marks. Everything was _fine. _

I turned the opposite way, noticing the way James, Sirius, and Peter were smirking at me. They were still trying to make fun of me and Ivy, but I was too preoccupied with the fact that there were no damages the night before.

It was actually relatively calm.

"Mr. Lupin-" Madame Pomfrey suddenly came in with a smile on her face. _A smile. _She always looked grim after a full moon, but this time, she actually looked _happy. _"I see you're awake. Did you sleep well?"

I nodded, still in shock.

She came over to do all the normal spells. She did them quick – there were no troubles this time. "It looks like you had a quiet night, Mr. Lupin. You are free to go."

I stared at her. "Really?"

She nodded and I practically wrestled my way out of the covers.

I had had my first _good _full moon. Not even the normal Ivy teasing was going to ruin it. I quickly made my way out of the hospital wing as the others followed.

"Yesterday was actually pretty easy," James exclaimed suddenly.

I couldn't even agree: the smile on my face wouldn't let me form words. I was still in a daze as we made our way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. I just wanted to talk to Ivy so badly – tell her everything.

A faint singing voice suddenly caught my attention and we turned the corner to see Ivy standing in the middle of the corridor.

"Hey, there you are-"

And she was completely drenched.

"What happened?" I stopped, trying to figure out why she was wringing her hair like she had just came out of the shower.

"Peeves," she answered, barely glancing up at us.

James shrugged, sharing a glance with us. "At least it wasn't us. We'd be more creative."

I stepped forward, taking out my wand to help her dry off. "Thanks," she exclaimed. The stupid smile wouldn't leave my face.

"What are you doing up this early?" Sirius asked as we started to walk with her.

She took her time to respond and then said, "Well, I was going to check up on Remus, but he wasn't there, obviously." Was she worried about me? My breath caught in my throat and then she continued, in a whispered voice, "And I want to know how you all help Remus during the full moon."

We all immediately stopped as my heart began to beat wildly.

She had just learned about me being a werewolf. How much more could she take before she left for good?

"Now?" Sirius asked.

Ivy nodded. I couldn't say no to her; she deserved the right to know. With a sigh, I opened the door to the nearest classroom and ushered everyone in. Locking the door behind me, I nervously leaned against it, trying to think of something to say.

"So..." Ivy said awkwardly.

I nodded over at Sirius and he began explaining, "Okay. What we're about to tell you is secret. You can't tell anyone."

I knew she wouldn't tell anyone. After all, I knew she didn't say a word about me being a werewolf.

With a nod from Ivy, James said, "Have you heard of the term Animagi?"

She shrugged. "Sure, it's-" I could see the realization dawn on her face. I winced, hoping that she wouldn't freak out. "But...how?"

"We found out about Moony's little problem in second year. It took us until last year to finally successfully transform," Sirius explained with a grin.

There was no turning back now.

"You're unregistered," Ivy stated, her eyes wide.

Sirius shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

She blinked, looking at each of us for a long time. I could understand what was going through her mind – she was confused, shocked, and then -

The look on her face changed and I breathed out a sigh of relief. There was amazement.

"Hello, I'm Padfoot," Sirius exclaimed, stepping forward to a grin, "and I've been described as a mangy old mutt." He quickly shook Ivy's hand as she tried to hide her smile.

"I'm Prongs," James followed, and then added, "Sirius insists on calling me a pretty deer, but I prefer stag."

Peter slowly walked up to Ivy, looking down at the floor. "I'm Wormtail. I don't really think my tail looks like a worm..."

"It really does," Sirius began whispering, "The creepiest looking rat's tail I've ever seen." I wanted to laugh at the look on Peter's face.

Ivy looked at me and I found myself shrugging under her gaze. "Uh, I'm Moony, and I'm...just a werewolf."

It felt so good to say that when she wasn't running away.

Instead, she nodded and smiled. "Oh, well, nice to meet you all." And when her eyes locked with mine again, I smiled back at her, relieved that everything was going to finally be okay.

* * *

Is the DocX thing working for anyone else? It's not working for me and Nathpollen never got to edit this chapter. I had my friend Nicoley117-LadyBlueMartini edit this chapter for me. Mucho thanks to her.

I promise I'll update this story more often. Just bug me about it.

Thanks for reading!


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